Write an ANGRY E-mail – Lesson #26 of 37
Write an ANGRY E-mail – I used to say that I wanted to be secure enough with my position in life to write a work e-mail that began: “You obviously had your head up you’re a$$ when…” Having hit send on a terse e-mail or ten (none of which were that brash), I’m here to tell you the result is not an uplifting salve for the instant emotion. While I won’t deny the existence of a short period of jubilation in one’s ability to be acerbically witty. Almost always, what was written comes back to “bite” you. And with that, there is a great lesson to learn.
Dr. Stephen Covey wrote about the “Emotional Bank Account.” Covey posits that being kind, courteous, keeping promises, being loyal to those not present, and making apologies when you do mess up, grows your emotional bank account held by others. Conversely, he suggests withdrawals are made through being rude, crude, blunt, breaking promises, being disloyal, or arrogant.
A former boss kept a ledger of deposits and withdrawals. Though he was a good boss, he definitely kept score. No. He wasn’t looking for his staff to kiss his butt. He expected deposits as defined by Covey and frowned on withdrawals. Further, deposits and withdrawals weren’t of equal value. One co-worker put it like this, “it takes ten atta-boys to erase one aw shit.” With that, you might as well be depositing instead of withdrawing.
Wait. The title of this blog suggests writing an angry e-mail. Yes, it does. You can still write that e-mail. Here’s how to do it. Open an e-mail message and address it to yourself (it is dangerous to address it to the party with whom you are aggrieved). Better yet, open an electronic document, or get out a piece of paper to handwrite your proposed message.
Begin writing. In writing your message, go for it! Tell ‘em what you really think. Let it all out. Don’t hold back. If you really must, hit send, but make double sure it’s addressed to only YOU. Be careful. Having worked in the public sector for a long-time, even e-mails sent to myself were public information and discoverable. Then, delete it, carry the paper to the shredder and find a more rational way to deal with the situation without making any withdrawals from the emotional bank account.
As Dr. Covey says, “Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood®” Perhaps you missed something or misinterpreted what you think you heard or read. What do you think?